This post isn’t about how to teach your kids to be the best kids. I’m just sharing my experience from one parent to another. As every parent knows we are pretty much winging it as we go along trying to be good parents for our kids. I’m personally learning from my successes and failures and trying to learn from my failures so it can be successes.
Ever since my daughter has become a teenager, I’ve been struggling on how to help her to become a responsible adult. As a parent, you want to protect your children, and get them to avoid the hardships you faced as a child, teen, and adult. You want to guide them to be well balanced and functioning adults in society.
Unfortunately, I noticed that I was helping make the decisions for my daughter and probably forced her to work on solutions that I came up with. What I found is that the problem wasn’t my daughter. The problem was me. I was taking away the ability for my daughter to make choices and decisions on her own. Because of that, she wasn’t able to take full responsibility for her actions.
Starting today, I’ve decided to change my method and let my daughter know that her actions have consequences and whatever choice she makes has consequences. Eventually she will have to learn from her own successes and failures. Personally I rather have her make mistakes now as a middle schooler so she can learn how to succeed in high school, college, and in her adult life.
Once I turned the tables around I’ve stopped yelling. 🙂 I still get frustrated but I now ask her questions to help her think about things and hopefully she will make the right choice. If she makes the wrong choice, she will hopefully learn from her mistakes.
I’ve felt so much better after making this realization last night after reading a book called Parenting Teens with Love and Logic. This book was recommend by my therapist. It has taken me a while to read through this book, but I remembered about it as I was thinking to myself I don’t know how to get through to my teen. After applying what I learned in the book, I can see that my daughter is actually listening and not just saying what I want to hear.
By applying the methods in the book, you will learn how to teach your teens how to make decisions responsibly without damaging your relationship with them. I’m still reading the book so I can’t tell you all the lessons I’ve learned. Once I’m done with the book, I’ll update this post with what I’ve learned. For now, I wanted to share my struggles out in the internet so you can get started on reading this book if you are going through my same struggles. I was excited to share my revelation for the day!
I’ll have to see how it goes in the months to come. Whatever it is I’m ok with my decision to have my daughter be TRULY responsible for her actions. Right now, I feel that’s the only way she is going to learn. I’m hoping for the best. 🙂